I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
