You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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