Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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