I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
