i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
im on a boat
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