In the future we'll all be gay
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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