i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
