walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
