he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize