pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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