he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
