So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
