You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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