They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
