He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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