did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
