saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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