you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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