Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
