New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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