I want to have your abortion
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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