i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he fucked my hip out of place.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
