i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
