its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
