Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
