Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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