im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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