i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
