Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
