Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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