sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
