WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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