Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
