She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
