everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
