So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
