how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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