I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
