the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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