your thong is hanging out like whoa
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
