Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
