Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
