It's like God shit irony all over that family
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
