He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
