Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
