Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
