After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
