dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
