Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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