You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
