you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
