wanna go halves on a baby?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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