Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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