So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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