dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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