if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
