I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
