Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
