so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
