Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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