in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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