Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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