I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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