I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
