I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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