Can i not drive my cunt home
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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