I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I party with great urgency now.
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