Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
