If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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