I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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