if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
