and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
