I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
