Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
