I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
