he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
